The Ember Chronicles

Ketamine allows me to have that flexibility to not be stuck in the same neural pathways I’ve always had. That is the most attractive thing to me about this treatment: that my brain chemistry is not set, that I can more easily change my behaviors and my perspective. 

It feels like there’s been a lifting of this cover or blanket or cloud - whatever metaphor you want to use - that’s very hard to get out of your way, but offers so much relief when it’s gone. I know that I can function better in the world when I’m like this. It’s the way that I get to a more satisfying and fully lived life. 

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Ketamine helps me look at my trauma logically. These things that happened are terrible, but the idea that I am to blame for them or that ‘women should know better’, that’s an illogical thing to say. They don’t serve my purpose. Ketamine helped me to understand that my shame was irrational. 

Before, I’d be walking around trying not to cry, and now I walk around able to live as a normal person. I’m so grateful for Ember. It’s made a big difference in my life and I’m sure the lives of countless others.

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Ultimately, the ketamine treatment Ember facilitated provided a sense of wellbeing and freedom I've read about but never thought would be possible for me. It has allowed me to experience relaxation towards issues that have challenged me, opening up a completely new way of relating to personality patterns that have caused me stress and trouble for most of my life.

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I have had depression my whole life. I turned 49 in February, and the first time I remember wanting to die, I was 9. I’ve been in therapy since the age of 12, off and on. At age 17, my psychiatrist put me on Prozac, just as it was becoming available. I was on it for almost 20 years, with very little oversight, and very little follow up care.

This is my rebirth - I am a teenager again, this is just the start, this is me if I had started my life without depression. And I’ve been able to bring a lot of other people along for the ride, like my parents, my extended family, my cousins, my aunts and uncles. My parents were initially opposed to me starting Prozac. I went to therapy in secret. To drag them kicking and screaming behind me on the cutting edge of mental health care, maybe that’s my life’s work. I weep for my ancestors who probably got thrown into institutions. That would have been me, back in the day.

I feel lucky.

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After 25 years of therapy, I was still waking up struggling every day. My lived experience was one of negativity and feeling overwhelmed.

The changes ketamine sessions brought were seemingly instant. To be clear, there is a two-week set of four foundational treatments. After those four, I saw noticeable improvements. Better yet, so did my wife. It’s worked so profoundly for me. I just seem to have more perspective.

Treatment has given me space to understand my triggers a little bit better too. I’m managing my emotions better, and they’re also just not coming up in the same way.

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